Up and Down my life right now

 

 

 

 

            So yeah i don't know my life is a wonky mess sometimes its up and sometimes its down just like what the title said, i don't have really time to enjoy much  or maybe that just me i feel like i am just in survival mode i want to try living mode maybe its just a crazy dream of mine to but things and not look at the price tag anymore maybe in this year or the next 5 i don't know there is a lot of i don't know in my life anymore or the things i think that i know isn't what it really is, i feel lonely sometimes and that make s me vulnerable  to decision that are bad as hell i try to ignore it how can thing that connect people so much make me feel lonely i miss my bebe but what i want most is a gang monthly or outings and such maybe i am reading so much stories i mean i want an adventure a real one i want to see and try new stuff yeah i want those and to share it maybe that what i really want to live like really living i am sick of just looking at it at a far i want to do more to my life i want happy memories to look back too not just day to day boring mess those are good too but life should be done to living not just surviving maybe that why i am so sad i feel incomplete yeah i should work on that well this made me feel good thanks for letting me rant here i feel good about this and the next steps i will take.

What the world is happening right now

Still until now I can’t still find a new home for my vids so it’s kind of sad and stressful but I will still keep going on so my besides that nothing much new has happened and still learning some new stuff I have learned many things during this time hopefully I can use it but now things are not that okay less okay to some people but I thank I am in the good side of whoever decides this, I feel like it’s going to be something else they say learn and be more mindful of opportunities but sometimes not everything given to you is amazing but taking a chance is a wonderful thing but I feel not sure about it,  should I get it or not?

 this is hard times so any job will be amazing but also my heart is not into it I need to fool myself for it and because of that there are these gut feelings saying no and my mind saying yes fighting each other. I should get it for the financial sense and don’t get it because other opportunities might come better than this so many paths to take but what is the right one such is a life I only hope that another opportunity will come my way to let me know that this not the only way the heavens know right now I need divine intervention.

In the home front thing happing it’s kind of something my mom miss my grandma very much and worries about her and then my grandma doest trust her help so she always others take out which bad since my grandma is 80 years old and the maid is complaining as my grandma is being a very difficult and if her help leaves her we can’t do anything because of the COVID and my grandma will complain that her kids leaving her all alone so see it’s a no-win for my mom,  so my mom always ask the helper not to leave our grandma and the cycle continues this Chinese crap is doing a real number to this world I hope karma will be  a big one on that.

That’s what new to me thanks for visiting

Some things are not meant to be

So it has come to my attention that my youtube channel has been removed and that means all my vids that upload here as well are gone its a sad day I put a lot of effort on those things I guess they do have a point those vids did break their guidelines and that is why I have decided to just re-upload them all in here and post them again here where the guidelines are much more lenient I may not earn money from here yet as most of it was generated from youtube but at least here I can post it again without fear of it being removed so after I post this one I will post some of the old vids that I have two in one day for fun I guess we can call it that also for manga yaoi lovers as well I am not really a writer, to be honest none of my family knows this which is good I have plenty of stuff here for them to give a solid reason giving me a gift before 500 pesos which is small already so enough about the sadness of today time for new stuff and things

Life on the right path again

So here I am with great news I think the magic charms work better then I thought as now I have now work again and a small business to back it up so more funds for me so back to the main point i am back in my life roads again it has been a long rest i guess i can it that but it was somewhat boring I really didn't do much but i did have the time to try new stuff that was the good part but i as the day of work approach my eldest brother is being a pain in the ass again as he doesn't want us to leave home what's up with that i hate that part i will only take him as an obstacle that needs to be overcome like all steps in life i better find and test a spell to back negativity that might work as the luck and money spell did do some charms so who could say a spell-like that maybe i will try more of it card reading seems nice and a little magic might do the job.

So my work is like my same old work so i am preparing myself again on hours on the phone and answering emails like before so that shouldn't be too hard and also my business this is the fun part i finally managed to open my own little stand things are looking up i just to perverse more and all will be hopefully well.

resting now

Resting now

so like the picture suggest i feel i had been fighting for long and i need a break from it all it doesn't mean i am quieting its just i need some time to fix my thoughts it hasn't been an easy life then again there are different kinds of difficulty in life what might be difficult for me is easy to other and what might be easy for me might be difficult to other as well such is life i have been watching some and learning now i just want to use this skills i have learned for knowledge without use is useless and i live with those words so i try to find a work while at it again with those path i hate waiting that is true but i let other people wait for me its kind of weird but then again i wouldn't be called not normal as well i think so anyways but i must admit my life is boring right now nothing much new is happening i make this post as i dairy which is nice but my life need a little more spice i do not put any style on this as this just for me mostly i am just sharing it as i do not really share hidden things here so back to the resting part as i was saying i feel i need a break then again i fell this whole time i am in a break so what i am really going to a break for so this feels redundant but i think i can do is just keep adding to my knowledge and maybe make my own work as it actually needs exprience to be hired and i got little of that so i need to work extra harder for my future with that i will move forward but for today i will rest and maybe work a little 

another way perhaps

Another way

seems i am in problem ones again i feel lost when the choices in me opened before it seems so clear but now it is not again i hate the fact that this is happening again i cant just keep detracting myself  as the video i saw i need a way to go in my dreams yes make step towards it this thing has opened again this time i will make sure to choose the right way of it all just to make i wont have this problem again i think the best way for me is the business route yup i can learn more in the internet on things i need but then theirs the work route again faced with all the same choices actually in the first i choose the school route then realized that both of work and business i better yes school might be great but in my i need to step up i should stop procrastinating so first i will set up my business this time a real fun one i am happy that some shirts i made before where being worn but i had to give those for free because  i just do not want them just to be stuck to be honest i haven't had a business that last more then one year because i always let other people handle it sure i have some mini business left i guess need to try some more i grateful to the experience that it has given me to be honest this blog post are kind of my therapy as it feels like i am talking to someone it not that i have friends is that i do not trust my self completely because when i open up it will be a flood and it wont stop i guess i needed to be more trusting and open to my friends it is the best way that it could happen plus with this opening business thing i need more connection i mean i saw the milk tea business but it on the mall so i need that is online so maybe food is not an option but nothings off the table i say this here because my family never reads this yes they do not which kind of liberating for me anyways so the end of this is i will now choose the business route hopefully this will be successful.
Thanks for reading my rant i do not even bother spell checking this as its ment to be this way.

finding hope in our trials

this will be the last on my trials on life topic.

Look there are much time we tell  other people who are going thru hard times in there life questions like "why are you like this?" Just have faith" and "you're just acting up"

now put yourself in their spot do we find it annoying that people say these things to us like they pretend that they know all about it like after they say those things we should immediately feel good but it isnt easy like that if all trials in were like that they wouldn't be called trials sometimes we fall and that is OK once in our lifes we feel lost so much we lost grip on our self that we feel depressed, disappointed and disillusioned and that is OK it that part of our life's journey but what is not okay is giving up on hope.

We lose hope because
1. We are rigid in our expectations
= we only want what we expect but never giving a second thought maybe the solution just came in a different form and sometimes our answers to our problems are least expected ones often things we don't like.

2. We are too focused on the problem
=we got to train our minds that no matter how bleak it is there is always a possible solution

3. We are only focused on our selves
= we are to much in touch in our feeling but not on reality we feel like we have so many problems we feel all is hopeless  but so many time we are not in touch, in reality, it is important to be in touch with our feeling but please we shouldn't mistake on what we feel and what is really happening.

4.we are just exhausted
with so many problems in life, we feel that we should just give up and throw the towel because there is this nagging voice shouting in the back of our mind this is all pointless.


As there are ways to lose hope there are ways as well to not give up and regain it back

1. Just rest
we often think that all of these trials in our life should be handle all at once it is not, take on the big one and take breathers in between nobody is going to hate you for resting especially if they know what you are going thru.

2. Get other points of view
Things arent is always as bad as we think it is sometimes we just need a help on seeing it in a different light.

3.expect the unexpected be more open
As i said before some time the solution isn't what you expect it to be

4. Keep on moving
when you are discouraged and frustrated and is up against the wall get up and keep moving we can be overwhelmed by our problems  that sometimes we overreact to it so much that we make it worse we dont know its only our own reaction it only our feelings and the reality is that we are actually we are stronger than we think we are.

Hope you all have a great day our trials in life can only get big as it is if we make it to be.

Things you shouldn't do when trial comes

trials in our life are perceived as monsters or villains of our life that why I choose this image  we have different sizes of problems that come our way  we all agree that we hate them no matter how much you like a challenge it is still a pain in the side when they arrive in our life there are many ways of dealing with trials here are ways that shouldn't do when they arrive and while at it  give you a little advice on how to get over them.

1. Don't escape your pain.

Don't deny what you are going through. Some people who have trials in there life find ways to escape like alcohol, shopping, forms of addiction or something much worse.
And you know what happens to people to try to escape their problem delay them or just simply avoid them altogether. It gets worse. you got pain? face it be the stronger person you have to be don't dull the pain with addiction and destructive behaviors.
The first step on it is actually talking to somebody about it sometimes problems in our life are not as big as they seem, talk to someone about it is a great help to ease your worries and this person you decided to talk to can help you with it just don't avoid it. Deal with it.

2. Don't abandon in the dark what you have learned in the light.

There are people who when faced with the challenges of life, stopping living the life they feel that there is no more solution or no more point to it  so  they abandon what they hold dear in there life they are no longer living there just surviving they often find an excuse to fool them self that this is their life now that this is the end of it.
Trials are like blindfolds. we can't see clearly when we have trials but nothing has changed around you, a problem with marriage adultery is still wrong, short on cash stealing is still wrong, Sin is still a sin that will not change.
Life can be an ass life can be like that we often forget us hurting doesn't give us a pass to hurt others.
When we are in the dark we think we are alone and when we think we are alone we do things we don't do when there are people around and some of these things are just awful we succumb to our dark impulses just to drown the pain and loneliness we feel. In the dark, we think these things are okay but it is not.

3. Don't stop praying but also don't stop doing no matter how the situation seems hopeless it's not there is always a solution.
as the saying goes
"FAITH  ITSELF WITHOUT COMPLEMENTED BY ACTION IS DEAD"


Thank you for reading have a great day :3

ranting time

They say failures are the best lesson in life it teaches you to make yourself better knowing your mistakes are keys to improve oneself. I am saying this as I have so far been presented with one of my biggest failure yet being fired in my first job , don’t get me wrong I felt it already that job wasn’t for me I had a feeling I won’t make it long there but I never expected it to be so soon. The memories I had there was good it made me know more about myself a pain full  lesson I won’t forget soon as the days will pass this pain will fade away but the memory will still be there. The question is now what to do next given the free time I will have I have three options first will I look for another work second will I go back to school and the third and last is will I just rest for while each has its positivity and negativities I will ponder each in the coming days until then I must keep going forward I may have tumbled today but I will still stand strong it is the only way it’s okay to be sad I will be sad for now but tomorrow I will be happy as a new door has appeared  before me the only question which door should I open anyways thanks for reading my rant have a great day  

goodbye my pupper

goodbye my pupper

A sad day has come as a valued member of my family has died or pet dog has died because of blood poising due to the infection caused by lice we did all we can do to save him but are efforts were not enough we sent him to the vet as his meds weren’t working anymore the doctor told as there was a chance that he might recover but it was a small chance still any chance would be better than no chance at all but I guess luck was not on our side  as he died this morning around 7am to start with I was not feeling well myself so it was a double downer. As these moment happen I feel regret and sadness we felt we could have done more to save him but that’s all that is now just regrets he lived a short life I remember his final days as he still tried to walk towards me to welcome me home he still wagged his tale excitedly as he struggled to walk I went to him instead pat him and give him dog snacks after eating he would just curl back to his space and rest it sadden me to see him that way at these time I still remember when he was brought home he was barely 2 years old still a curious little puppy peeing everywhere and trying to go other sofas and un reachable places but will cry when stuck and when I walked him and he would try to run around and fight with stray cats and when they would fight back he would hide behind my legs and in my down days I would talk to him about my frustrations and he would just stare at me I don’t know if he understood but being him there brought me comfort the only thing positive I see that happened in this event that at least he wasn’t in pain anymore my wish for him that I brought him comfort the way he brought as comfort by being there. Goodbye a little pupper , good bye my little guardian we will miss you all dearly

Thank you for reading and hope you have a better day then me

END GAME!!

good evening to all how have you all been i hope you are all well because i am not i just received the grades that are needed for me to pass and i am completely fucked up as in waaaa. Well the good news is there is still a slim chance of me passing that better than no chance than all right so here i am just hoping a miracle will happen but i know there wont be any so as the saying goes God only helps those who helps them selves. So here is the plan study like fuck like there is no more tom yup the basic plan of all students the sound so easy but its pretty fucked up on doing it but as long i believe i am worthy of it and study for it and prove my self i will get the goal of passing. I call the topic end game because i am at the end of this term and i am pretty happy that it has some semi good results it has some ups and down but that life and in life you choose what you want to be and what you do you are the creator of your life that why we have freedom. There are two things that are important the beginning  and the end and like all things in this world the end like  my classes has began i hope i will get thru this so wish me luck and god bless you all .

3 DAY PLAN!!!

So i have been very bz with school and other stuff i should concentrate with school yup that is the right thing to so anyways my life is kind  going down slope right now so many problems but with so little solutions and i haven't got a decent sleep because of this so yesterday i created the three day plan trial  i hope that it will work. So the plan is ask everybody how will i do this first part of my plan is that make sure i  will keep make it secret to my family second is to collect 1000 used papers and recycle them again as papers and buy materials to make notebooks that is stylish and third one is make 200 notebooks and sell them for a reasonable price hahahaha i am sure it will be a big hit well i hope it will work oh and for my school well continue studying and hoping for my best and i wish i was smart well smarter i will hope for the best in everything i do and with gods help and  with effort it can all be done oh and i wish i was in a relationship right now because i am alone in life expect my dog and my cat i hope i will find the right one tom or next week so any ways have a nice day and leave a comment.

SICK DAY!!!

I hate sick days this is actually my first time writing at home because i was forced to do it waaaa!!! So anyways i am actually doing nothing but writing now or typing having a flu i got to stay at bed and rest the whole evening but in the good side i got to watch the whole 300 part 1 and 2. Having a sick day has its benefits as well one you can think about your life second you can write things like me and third a rest day to change the routine of your daily life but i still hate it because i cant taste anything and smell anything and my body ache and i feel so weak like playing a support and only needs only to get around when needed and always get blamed for but even this happens i still get ordered around so have a nice day and leave a comment.

BIG SPENDER!!!

Good day so this happened to me a day ago i had an assignment due that afternoon and i just remembered it that day only so i went to the nearest com shop. When i got there i saw that one hour was about  52 pesos so i was having doubts about renting a PC but i need the assignment to be done so i just decide that i will do open time which was 1 pesos per min which can save me a lot. I finished my assignment and printed it out without looking at the time usage and it hit me i spent 180 PESOS!!! just on the computer rental i was shocked because it was just so fast and the printing was 5 pesos a page i was thinking what is your paper made off i mean it should be only at least 2 pesos only and it was 4 pages so it was already 20 pesos i actually spent 200 pesos on a 4 page assignment. Needless to say i didn't go there anymore unless i will only use it for one hour. So save money think smart and save smart don't be like me leave a comment and suggestion and have a good day.