Up and Down my life right now

 

 

 

 

            So yeah i don't know my life is a wonky mess sometimes its up and sometimes its down just like what the title said, i don't have really time to enjoy much  or maybe that just me i feel like i am just in survival mode i want to try living mode maybe its just a crazy dream of mine to but things and not look at the price tag anymore maybe in this year or the next 5 i don't know there is a lot of i don't know in my life anymore or the things i think that i know isn't what it really is, i feel lonely sometimes and that make s me vulnerable  to decision that are bad as hell i try to ignore it how can thing that connect people so much make me feel lonely i miss my bebe but what i want most is a gang monthly or outings and such maybe i am reading so much stories i mean i want an adventure a real one i want to see and try new stuff yeah i want those and to share it maybe that what i really want to live like really living i am sick of just looking at it at a far i want to do more to my life i want happy memories to look back too not just day to day boring mess those are good too but life should be done to living not just surviving maybe that why i am so sad i feel incomplete yeah i should work on that well this made me feel good thanks for letting me rant here i feel good about this and the next steps i will take.

Some things are not meant to be

So it has come to my attention that my youtube channel has been removed and that means all my vids that upload here as well are gone its a sad day I put a lot of effort on those things I guess they do have a point those vids did break their guidelines and that is why I have decided to just re-upload them all in here and post them again here where the guidelines are much more lenient I may not earn money from here yet as most of it was generated from youtube but at least here I can post it again without fear of it being removed so after I post this one I will post some of the old vids that I have two in one day for fun I guess we can call it that also for manga yaoi lovers as well I am not really a writer, to be honest none of my family knows this which is good I have plenty of stuff here for them to give a solid reason giving me a gift before 500 pesos which is small already so enough about the sadness of today time for new stuff and things

midnight thoughts

So lately i have not been able to sleep at night and i don't know why so because of this my mind wonders so much it is filled by random thoughts amazing not all negative so there a positive side on looking at the ceiling of your room till 1 am i guess my mind has a positive side good for me so about that during this time my mind is full of ideas that i might and will do in the time i would wake up because i am to tired to do it that time which can of weird since i am sleepy but can't sleep like this time only i have the energy to type this speaking of typing this i really need to get back to finishing that book i started it not that i amazing i think but it has solid stuff so it has that going for it and also not able to sleep during this time i searched the internet the reasons not all good so i need to adjust my self more after i do this i will try to sleep again i also learned that writing your ideas before going to bed is a nice thing and also cringy becuase i read it it the morning just crossing out what wont work or just fantsy of mine mosty all of them but still form time to time my brain farts out good ideas sometimes end up me making a little cash on the side all legal ofcourse speaking of money i am proud to say i earned big well bigger then the usual so thats good maybe its because i have a string of good choices thats why my btain is so active it want to make more not like the internet say i think there is a lot of uncertainty on me which is bad i am working on that so that is it for now join me again next time okay.

the story for tonight

Good day people time for another diary entry so this morning i realized how disorganized my shelf and cabinets were so i decided to clean them up and while i was cleaning i saw plenty of things i thought i lost it seems i just misplaced it note to self always clean your room at least once a week or you will buy things that you thought you lost so anyways while i was cleaning i stumbled upon my written diary and they were very messy i should really take care of my stuff especially stuff that holds your deepest secrets lucky my hand writing is so bad that its like coded messages no wonder my teacher always told me to write for the readers and not for myself but its my diary like i am going around showing stuff i learned that the hard way when i was younger my life was a very active in plenty full of ways i think because of that i wasn't very much curious in my later day in collage and  boy was i always going outside and with the i wouldn't call them bad i will just call them horny yup that is the correct word horny crowd i guessed i enjoyed it to much and because of that my grades suffered but live and learn i have been avoiding those kind of stuff but back to the cleaning while going thru my stuff it was like going to memory lane each things seems to have a little story in it and each of those little stories build to our lives some of them bad and some of them good but all of those are a part of whole we become and learn from both as they hold lessons that can make us grow and plus its a very relaxing thing to see your room clean and in it you can place new memorable that you can look back or forward to so yup that is and you know what people say you can judge a person life by how he keeps his room.

thank you for reading have a great day

resting now

Resting now

so like the picture suggest i feel i had been fighting for long and i need a break from it all it doesn't mean i am quieting its just i need some time to fix my thoughts it hasn't been an easy life then again there are different kinds of difficulty in life what might be difficult for me is easy to other and what might be easy for me might be difficult to other as well such is life i have been watching some and learning now i just want to use this skills i have learned for knowledge without use is useless and i live with those words so i try to find a work while at it again with those path i hate waiting that is true but i let other people wait for me its kind of weird but then again i wouldn't be called not normal as well i think so anyways but i must admit my life is boring right now nothing much new is happening i make this post as i dairy which is nice but my life need a little more spice i do not put any style on this as this just for me mostly i am just sharing it as i do not really share hidden things here so back to the resting part as i was saying i feel i need a break then again i fell this whole time i am in a break so what i am really going to a break for so this feels redundant but i think i can do is just keep adding to my knowledge and maybe make my own work as it actually needs exprience to be hired and i got little of that so i need to work extra harder for my future with that i will move forward but for today i will rest and maybe work a little 

another way perhaps

Another way

seems i am in problem ones again i feel lost when the choices in me opened before it seems so clear but now it is not again i hate the fact that this is happening again i cant just keep detracting myself  as the video i saw i need a way to go in my dreams yes make step towards it this thing has opened again this time i will make sure to choose the right way of it all just to make i wont have this problem again i think the best way for me is the business route yup i can learn more in the internet on things i need but then theirs the work route again faced with all the same choices actually in the first i choose the school route then realized that both of work and business i better yes school might be great but in my i need to step up i should stop procrastinating so first i will set up my business this time a real fun one i am happy that some shirts i made before where being worn but i had to give those for free because  i just do not want them just to be stuck to be honest i haven't had a business that last more then one year because i always let other people handle it sure i have some mini business left i guess need to try some more i grateful to the experience that it has given me to be honest this blog post are kind of my therapy as it feels like i am talking to someone it not that i have friends is that i do not trust my self completely because when i open up it will be a flood and it wont stop i guess i needed to be more trusting and open to my friends it is the best way that it could happen plus with this opening business thing i need more connection i mean i saw the milk tea business but it on the mall so i need that is online so maybe food is not an option but nothings off the table i say this here because my family never reads this yes they do not which kind of liberating for me anyways so the end of this is i will now choose the business route hopefully this will be successful.
Thanks for reading my rant i do not even bother spell checking this as its ment to be this way.

finding hope in our trials

this will be the last on my trials on life topic.

Look there are much time we tell  other people who are going thru hard times in there life questions like "why are you like this?" Just have faith" and "you're just acting up"

now put yourself in their spot do we find it annoying that people say these things to us like they pretend that they know all about it like after they say those things we should immediately feel good but it isnt easy like that if all trials in were like that they wouldn't be called trials sometimes we fall and that is OK once in our lifes we feel lost so much we lost grip on our self that we feel depressed, disappointed and disillusioned and that is OK it that part of our life's journey but what is not okay is giving up on hope.

We lose hope because
1. We are rigid in our expectations
= we only want what we expect but never giving a second thought maybe the solution just came in a different form and sometimes our answers to our problems are least expected ones often things we don't like.

2. We are too focused on the problem
=we got to train our minds that no matter how bleak it is there is always a possible solution

3. We are only focused on our selves
= we are to much in touch in our feeling but not on reality we feel like we have so many problems we feel all is hopeless  but so many time we are not in touch, in reality, it is important to be in touch with our feeling but please we shouldn't mistake on what we feel and what is really happening.

4.we are just exhausted
with so many problems in life, we feel that we should just give up and throw the towel because there is this nagging voice shouting in the back of our mind this is all pointless.


As there are ways to lose hope there are ways as well to not give up and regain it back

1. Just rest
we often think that all of these trials in our life should be handle all at once it is not, take on the big one and take breathers in between nobody is going to hate you for resting especially if they know what you are going thru.

2. Get other points of view
Things arent is always as bad as we think it is sometimes we just need a help on seeing it in a different light.

3.expect the unexpected be more open
As i said before some time the solution isn't what you expect it to be

4. Keep on moving
when you are discouraged and frustrated and is up against the wall get up and keep moving we can be overwhelmed by our problems  that sometimes we overreact to it so much that we make it worse we dont know its only our own reaction it only our feelings and the reality is that we are actually we are stronger than we think we are.

Hope you all have a great day our trials in life can only get big as it is if we make it to be.

In every trials there is a promise for improvement

Why are trial so hard to bear? well because they are painful. And this makes it unbearable to us we can't accept this is happing to us we can not accept the pain and try our best to make it less painful but it will still be there.

there are two kinds of pain.

the pain that people can see public pains they are mostly  they are pains that are hard to hide and the bitch of everyone's lives the pain which they can't see these pain can take many forms like memories, regrets, fear, and  emotional traumas

things that can be easily be hidden from people that people don't even realize we all got them one form or another no matter who you.

These pains will always be a part of us its for you to decide what you make of them will they be the chains that will hold you for being what you are meant to be or want to be or old scars to remind you how much have you surpassed in your life.

Let us all be honest nobody goes thru life unscathed we get wounded, bruised and in some case totally knocked out.

Yes to live is to encounter hardships some we do it to our selfs other are brought to us by fate itself, we ask God why me and what is the purpose of this.

Some people face their problem head-on, some people try to escape it, But when life gives you a challenge  have you ever thought maybe there is an opportunity for me to grow maybe this is Gods way of correcting me, change my path or just a test on see how much you have grown as a person overall.

If you squeeze a lemon it makes lemonades
when trials squeeze you what do you get? hopefully a better version of you.

thanks for reading have a great time :)

Things you shouldn't do when trial comes

trials in our life are perceived as monsters or villains of our life that why I choose this image  we have different sizes of problems that come our way  we all agree that we hate them no matter how much you like a challenge it is still a pain in the side when they arrive in our life there are many ways of dealing with trials here are ways that shouldn't do when they arrive and while at it  give you a little advice on how to get over them.

1. Don't escape your pain.

Don't deny what you are going through. Some people who have trials in there life find ways to escape like alcohol, shopping, forms of addiction or something much worse.
And you know what happens to people to try to escape their problem delay them or just simply avoid them altogether. It gets worse. you got pain? face it be the stronger person you have to be don't dull the pain with addiction and destructive behaviors.
The first step on it is actually talking to somebody about it sometimes problems in our life are not as big as they seem, talk to someone about it is a great help to ease your worries and this person you decided to talk to can help you with it just don't avoid it. Deal with it.

2. Don't abandon in the dark what you have learned in the light.

There are people who when faced with the challenges of life, stopping living the life they feel that there is no more solution or no more point to it  so  they abandon what they hold dear in there life they are no longer living there just surviving they often find an excuse to fool them self that this is their life now that this is the end of it.
Trials are like blindfolds. we can't see clearly when we have trials but nothing has changed around you, a problem with marriage adultery is still wrong, short on cash stealing is still wrong, Sin is still a sin that will not change.
Life can be an ass life can be like that we often forget us hurting doesn't give us a pass to hurt others.
When we are in the dark we think we are alone and when we think we are alone we do things we don't do when there are people around and some of these things are just awful we succumb to our dark impulses just to drown the pain and loneliness we feel. In the dark, we think these things are okay but it is not.

3. Don't stop praying but also don't stop doing no matter how the situation seems hopeless it's not there is always a solution.
as the saying goes
"FAITH  ITSELF WITHOUT COMPLEMENTED BY ACTION IS DEAD"


Thank you for reading have a great day :3

Pet rodents its ups and down and why we have them

As an owner myself of a very active hamster I wondered why we have a pet such as like these I get the cats and dog as they have their benefits but rodents what are they good for except for watching them run around and bring a smile on our faces heck even fishes can do that so i decided to research about it i have found some explanation of why we have rodent pets as they actually began in testing room where they were first in human experiments as almost all of our rodent pets began there but before that they began as the lovable  pets they are now  before the experimenting of scientist for further endeavors there have been signs and text in ancient China and rich nobles of old England that they were kept as pets. but not all rodents can be a pet as there is a difference between that can be pet and just pest as Unlike wild animals, domestic rodents are selectively bred. They’re tame and well-socialized, and they don’t carry the diseases that wild rodents can spread to humans and other animals. People who own them will tell you their pets are clean, intelligent, active creatures that can interact with humans and learn cool tricks. Some rats even live in peace alongside unusually laid-back house cats. Unfortunately, the adorable little mouse you find hiding in your cupboard isn’t a great choice for a pet. It’s probably never been handled by a human. It may bite in fear and transmit disease through its feces and urine. As overall pet rodents are handled by humans and pest are mostly pests are eating and spoiling food stored by humans and spreading diseases.

As I was continuing my reading about pet rodents there are different kind the best know are the hamsters but there are also the gerbil, ferret, rabbit and mice and many more all of them has been human handled they each have there on set of traits and behaviors there not just fun to watch they actually have there uses as gerbils are actually the safest pet for kids there very calm and intelligent and very easy to take care for as there actually self-cleaning and in a sense  your actual duty to your pet rodents are just making sure you feed and play with them so there like dogs minus the responsibilities but plus the pocket size .

In the end not all people will enjoy having a friendly rat as a friend but some of the people do when you have them take care of them  and love them as like  of your dog, cat, fish or birds pets as you give love to your pets they will love you back in the end rodent pets tend to be scared, vulnerable and in need of loving protection like all pets . To anyone in need of companionship but can't afford or fit in your home rodents can be the one for you There are many wonderful benefits of owning rats some i don't know but. They are cute, loyal, and incredibly smart. Plus, they are easy to care for

so if you are looking for a pet, try a rodent it might just be for you.

comfort zone

Comfort zone we all have it it is a place where we feel safe and nothing seems bad to happen and beyond is all the bad things are but are comfort zones really that good in the pic it shows that beyond it is the learning zone this is were life really is according to Wikipedia comfort zones  is a psychological state in which things feel familiar to a person and they are at ease and in control of their environment, experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress. In this zone, a steady level of performance is possible.

Bardwick defines the term as "a behavioral state where a person operates in an anxiety-neutral position. Brown describes it as "Where our uncertainty, scarcity, and vulnerability are minimized where we believe we'll have access to enough love, food, talent, time, admiration. Where we feel we have some control

according to these definitions, there is a low level of risk and everything is in our control I don't know about you but when everything is always going your way it means your life is boring life is about taking the risk as beyond it is more.

As the image suggests growth begins at the end of the comfort zone as good as the comfort zone is there are many downsides to it as well these are the downsides  

1. It’s keeping you from growth

In life, you’re either growing or dying. That might seem a bit exaggerated — and it is — but it’s not meant to be taken literally.

The primary ingredient for a happy life very well may be progress, as recent positive psychology studies have pointed towards. Shawn Achor, positive psychologist and author of The Happiness Advantage, refers to happiness as “the joy you feel moving towards your potential.”

2. It’s keeping you from trying new things

Perhaps the most important effort of our life is to discover what we have a passion for and to devote ourselves to the mastery of it. We do this both for the good of ourselves and to make a positive difference in the world.

Some of us, the lucky ones, discover what we’re passionate about early on in life. We know in our heart we’ve found what we love and can dedicate the rest of our life to the mastery of it – and enjoying every minute of it.

However, if you’re anything like me, you spent the first 20-30 years of your life experimenting and having little but a vague idea of what that thing might be. For most of us, it takes time to discover what we love and have a passion for. This is perfectly okay and natural. That is, so long as you’re trying new things and actively discovering what you like and don’t like.

The problem is, so long as you’re within your comfort zone, you’ll rarely if ever try new things (and often only if you’re forced into it).

This stops the discovery process altogether and keeps you from finding what you have a passion for. And this keeps you from being truly happy.

 and the last but not least is 

It’s conditioning you to settle

If you continue to live within your comfort zone until later in life, something else happens that seeks to threaten your growth and happiness….

You settle.

At some point in life, if this discovery hasn’t yet found its way to you, we grow tired and settle for what we have. This is perhaps the worst fate of all. Because while you’re technically still alive, you go on to live as if you were dead, settling into a life which doesn’t truly make you happy and never taking any chances.

there is so much to live for it may take a while for us to leave our comfort zone but it more worst to just stay in it make life is about experiences do you want to remember your life that way so go out there  and remember 

That’s the key word here: moving.

Growth is about progress.

Progress is about movement.

Thank you for reading and have a great day

credit cards

i am going to chat about credit cards there are many things to say about it but first, what is a credit card according to Investopedia A credit card is a card issued by a financial company which enables the cardholder to borrow funds. The funds may be used as payment for goods and services. Issuance of credit cards has the condition that the cardholder will pay back the original, borrowed amount plus any additional agreed-upon charges and to balance.com  A credit card is a card that allows you to borrow money against a line of credit, otherwise known as the card’s credit limit. You use the card to make basic transactions, which are then reflected on your bill.

the basic knowledge of the common people and to my understanding of its interpretation and  according to the two sites that it is a tool that can make you buy things for now and pay it later it is seen in different show that a simple swipe all those payments goes away but what they don't show you is the paying part of it most people forgetting that credit cards are one way that banks make sums of money thru interest sure there are some promos the 0% interest rate but there are hidden fees under those that still make the bank earn so money and now a tool that has been used in comfort is now somehow a trap it is most likely the holders fault by forgetting the basic principles of a credit cards.

You might be thinking now that credit cards are bad but no I am not saying that like money , credit cards are just  tools to be used it all depends on the holder of it so people that own it must study it before using it to my experience and recommendation it should only be used for emergencies and to be sure that you have a money set aside for the expected bill to come and spend on what you can afford.

thank you for reading and have a great day

bored

Bored that’s what I am now stuck in a rut I hate it this feeling I like going out and exploring new stuff that are safe but and fun none of those illegal things I like to be outside to explore new thing and actually meet people as meeting new people are considered new experience but now I am stay at home it sucks but I must be an optimist I will get my chance to travel again but traveling alone is boring I need a traveling buddy but all my friends are busy with work and such it give me an option to collect more funds as more funds means more places I can go don’t get me wrong that I am always short on cash but in truth I need more cash to do more there are so few things that can be done without money lately that’s the thing I have been taking about but that is reality to get around you need cash maybe what I am not looking for is enjoyment but fulfillment well I guess time will tell what I am really after. Thank you and have a nice day

ranting time

They say failures are the best lesson in life it teaches you to make yourself better knowing your mistakes are keys to improve oneself. I am saying this as I have so far been presented with one of my biggest failure yet being fired in my first job , don’t get me wrong I felt it already that job wasn’t for me I had a feeling I won’t make it long there but I never expected it to be so soon. The memories I had there was good it made me know more about myself a pain full  lesson I won’t forget soon as the days will pass this pain will fade away but the memory will still be there. The question is now what to do next given the free time I will have I have three options first will I look for another work second will I go back to school and the third and last is will I just rest for while each has its positivity and negativities I will ponder each in the coming days until then I must keep going forward I may have tumbled today but I will still stand strong it is the only way it’s okay to be sad I will be sad for now but tomorrow I will be happy as a new door has appeared  before me the only question which door should I open anyways thanks for reading my rant have a great day  

my day and rant

my day and rant

Sleepy and bored that sums up my days this waiting period things have been rather slow I have made no improvement what so ever  of my plans I think I am stuck on a rut I don’t like I need to do something about it well first of I think I will deposit all of my extra cash in the bank not the coins one but the paper it is taking long to fill it since I have no more allowances I need to really need to get a job of sorts even in the time being I don’t like being overly dependent to my parent as it is so I need to plan up and keep it up life isn’t going to be like this I need an edge on stuff maybe basic skills in life maybe driving would be nice I think I should start there then other things will follow beats being in home the whole day and occasionally leaving  but recently I just came upon a  news that really boiled my blood he is the president how can he do those things he represents the country  and it people the thing he did wasn’t supposed to be cheered on but his loyal brainless stupid to the highest degree was so happy he did that first of all both parties are married what would their spouses think second the girl was only doing it because he was the president and the funny part he was speaking about corruption of the church while doing that he was doing a corrupted thing there as chance that this woman might have to have get  lawyer for his divorce because if she can do that in public with another man who knows what she does in private this president even mocks Christianity I just needed to relax for a while my mind is setting up to leaving this country when I have enough money my hope for change and a better tom for this place is disappearing hopefully I can find the nationalistic pride of being a citizen of this nation  well rants over have a good unlike me